I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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