Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
