it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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