so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
