I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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