if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
