Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
