She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
