i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
