Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
