yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
