Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
