Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
