His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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