Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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