Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
