I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
