Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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