1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
