I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
