There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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