used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sober January is a disaster.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
