Sponge bath it is.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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