I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
