OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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