real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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