you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
