I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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