i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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