Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
