I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Someone signed my nipple.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
