I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
