you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
bring money and cleavage
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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