apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
