bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
