Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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