So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
