im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
