I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
