I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
