I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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