I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
