The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
