it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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