she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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