Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
