Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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