he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
