I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
