So drunk its hurt
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
