i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
