Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My ass is underappreciated
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
