I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
