they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
