he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
