everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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