my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
