You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
