pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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