based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
