I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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