If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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