It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
