y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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