Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
