hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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